Whispering of Willows 50

By Dr. Anna Zhao

Although the weather is still a little cold and there are more rainy days than sunny ones, I can already smell the fragrance of spring in the air. The garden attached to our clinic is still in hibernation, but birds’ singing can occasionally be heard. When Dr. Ali talked about this year’s plan for our garden, joy shimmered in his bright eyes.

During my breaks, I often sit by a large window, eyes closed, listening to music, and enjoying the warm touch of sunlight. At this time, no matter how ever-changing the outside world seems, I feel I am on top of the world.

When I was doing my TCM practicum, Dr. Tai was my teacher. Years ago, when working under his guidance, I remember that whenever we had a little spare time, we often sat in the sunlight of the clinic, listening to music, meditating.  He inspired me by saying: "Music is a vibration. When a beautiful melody rings in your ears, you should visualize it as colorful lights. Gently you breathe in, vividly feeling as though those lights are entering your pores..." Now looking back, it dawns on me that his teaching is so true. In therapeutic healing there are many things that can only be perceived but cannot be described with words.  And precisely because of this, my teacher taught me much through music and meditation.

My father was also a fan of music. Whenever possible, he played a bamboo flute or erhu instrument for us. During his final two weeks, I often played his favorite music in his hospital room. When nurses or passersby heard it by chance, they would stand by the door and listen with a smile.

Dr. Daniel also sang a song at his father’s death bed: "I Hear You Far Away". Part of the lyrics in this song particularly touched my heart: “I enjoyed the breeze you had enjoyed, would this be considered as our embrace? I walked the paths you walked, would this be regarded as our reunion?”

Simply being alive does not guarantee our happiness. The world is uncertain in many aspects, and it seems that sometimes we are surrounded by life’s limitations, chaos, disputes, and misfortunes. For me, music and meditation are my refuge. They seem to have the power to give me peace and joy, and make the imperfect world a bit more orderly and harmonious again.

As a medical practitioner, I hear many troubles and complaints every day: physical pains, sleepless nights, fatigue, indigestion, infertility, hormonal disorder, poor circulation... So much seems to go against our wishes, and alas, aging proves inevitable. Little by little, you find that your energy begins to fade, your spine is not as straight, wrinkles and grey hair creep in, and all sorts of pain and ailments become more and more persistent...

The other day, a patient named T came to see me with a main complaint of unexplained back pain. He said: "I have done all necessary tests, and not even one expert can tell me why my back hurts so much that I have to lie flat on the ground for hours just waiting for my pain to ease."

I said, "I probably can guess the why."

"Why?" he raised his brows.

"Because you are not happy. I can see that by reading your tongue. By looking into your eyes, I can see that the window in your heart is shut."

T looked disturbed: "Did you really see that? I admit that I have been depressed for quite a long time. Sure, a vacation here and there helped me feel better, and my pain eased when I encountered some lucky events by chance. However, those little joys and pleasures seem to never last and they went away like fleeting clouds, leaving me feeling more depressed and disappointed. I realize that most of the time, life seems indeed helpless and meaningless."

"Perhaps someday you will also realize that most of the time, pain can be a physiological projection of our inner unhappiness."

"You mean my back pain has a lot to do with my mental state? My unhappiness has a lot to do with the window in my heart that is closed? If so, tell me, how can I open that window?"

"It's not complicated, do what your spirit loves to do. If that is not your profession, at least devote much attention to it in your spare time. The best way to open that window is creativity; maybe in the form of music, or dance, or pottery, or writing, or playing soccer, or gardening, or painting... Everyone has different ways to express their creativity. A person who loves to create is the one who has opened the window in their spiritual world. When the window is opened, your soul and conscious mind become synchronized and resonate in harmonious frequency. At that time your body will feel much healthier, your mind much calmer, and of course, it is unlikely you would slip into depression. "

"That is what you think?"

I nodded. "A professional dancer once told me that when he was invited to perform in a rigid setting such as a formal wedding, it was difficult for him to fully feel the exhilaration that accompanies the freedom of movement. However, when he improvised his dance on the stage for an audience of thousands, he could let his body fully reflect the joy and vitality of his soul. Do you know why, T?”

“Why?”

“Because he opened the window of his spirit, and danced for his soul at that time.  

To escape the monotony of our everyday life, our spirit craves freedom, for an artistic expression on a higher level than the physical level. If we try to change the imperfections in the material world, we often become disheartened, as the physical world is mostly not under our control. Nevertheless, the window towards our spirit is openable at any time. Why don't we focus more on things within our control?"

When T got up from the treatment bed that day, a little hummingbird was tapping the clinic’s window from the outside. T beamed and waved at it. Before leaving, he said the pain in his back seemed to have eased. I knew he was already on the path of healing. Cupping, acupuncture and massage surely helped him, but most importantly, the window to his spirit is beginning to open a crack, and he is already learning to create – creating an understanding, a relaxation, and a vibration of joy…